We live in a very “left brain” rational society. Emotions, intuition and feelings are disapproved of, not only in the work place, but in all areas of life.  Life has become about control. Controlling ourselves, every thought, every process, and every action become entirely planned and controlled by our logical mind. Some people try to plan and pilot every aspect of their lives.

But orgasm is NOT under our conscious control. Like sneezes they are controlled by the irrational, unconscious, emotional, intuitive, holistic part of our brains. People who only use logical control find it hard to or even  impossible to let go.

Other symptoms that someone is overly controlling are:

• Inability to have fun.
• Don’t let their hair down.
• Being critical of both themselves and others.
• Being highly organised and unable handle changes of plan easily.
• They might come across as being demanding, extremely particular or fussy.
• They have muscle tension, stiff joints, headaches or migraine
• Nightmares, insomnia or other sleep disturbances.
• Often feel tired even when you know you shouldn’t
• They believe there is a right way and a wrong way to do everything.
• They are often quite pessimistic, or even despondent.

The healing process for these clients focuses on them learning how to relax, and let go and how to surrender to a little chaos.

One of the key factors is to communicate with your unconscious mind. Tap into your intuition if you like. You need to learn to trust their unconscious mind and slowly but surely release the tight hold on control.

Control is an illusion anyway. We can actually control very little. The unconscious mind, although it might seem irrational this is usually because it has much greater processing power so has information that the conscious mind does not. If it is left alone and allowed to do its job, all areas of life can improve.

The solution for this starts with the woman first accepting the need to relax control. Unfortunately they find this very difficult as it might not feel safe for them. Also they are often completely unaware that they are very controlled or even that this is part of the problem.

The clues are often apparent as soon as they contact me, but the number of restrictions they place around and the way of them getting onto a workshop. They will say things like “it has to be in May” or “I can’t do Tuesdays”. They will need to know a lot of specifics about the content and ask for details of my credentials.

Sadly for most of these women they put so many restrictions that they rarely take action to move forward. It is as if they have locked themselves into a cage or are so tightly wrapped up in their “shoulds” and “have tos” that they never even give themselves the freedom to come to see me.

Fortunately those that do come to see me experience fantastic transformations and find that by letting go they actually gain more influence over their lives. And of course, they end up being able to achieve orgasm and harness their energy which also increases their persona power, and effectiveness. Control without power is impotent.

The problem is one of energy and it is too much masculine energy and not enough feminine energy.

Feminine energy is raw power, but it is a little chaotic.

Masculine energy is control, but is can be restrictive

We need both.

Control without power is impotent

Power without control is destructive.

The healing includes things to get them to relax, let go and enjoy a little chaos. Energy work to raise the feminine energy as well as meditation, hypnosis and relaxation techniques. Bodywork to get them out of their head and into their body is also important. Yoga and Chi Gong movement is excellent for this.

If you would like to know how to increase your personal power and influence or you cannot achieve orgasm then contact me          0845 468 1508           lisa@the-o-coach.com

Until next time

Lisa

Emotional trauma from past events can cause people to numb themselves from all feelings, both emotional and physical. This is a form of severe dissociation. Where a person becomes completely disconnected from their body and emotional feelings.

This happens when too much emotional pain from any kind of traumatic events has simply made feelings, all feelings, emotional and physical, seem unsafe. They have learnt to block out the pain and in doing so have blocked everything out too.

Abuse

Abusive relationships are a common reason people become numb to their emotional and physical feelings. The abuse need not be violent or sexual. Any kind of abuse can lead to emotional problems that stop people being able to enjoy themselves. Emotional abuse can be a slow, drip feed of pain or can be a single highly traumatic event. More about abusive relationships here.

I see many clients like this who are often detached and have trouble with all relationships, intimate, family even friendships become difficult. They have so many painful emotions that any slight criticism can destroy the fragile shell they have put around themselves.

Their healing process centers on the releasing of the painful emotions. Once released the emotional trauma feelings become safe once again. They get back in touch with themselves both emotionally and physically. They now allow themselves to feel their positive and pleasant emotions again.

Living from pain

We live in a pleasure starved culture. No pain, no gain is the modern mantra.

Some even believe that suffering and martyrdom actually buys or earns you something, that it make you a better person somehow.

We have become so focused on achieving something, an end goal. We exercise, not because it’s fun, but because we want to lose weight, or get fit, or look good. Fun and pleasure are almost taboo. Doing something, anything, just because it feels nice is almost unacceptable. Add to that the taboos and shame surrounding sex and it’s not surprising that many women and men don’t enjoy sex.

Pride in suffering

But being proud of suffering does nothing but cause more pain and suffering. Have you ever worked in a job where everyone brags about how much work they have to do? How busy they are? Have you ever found yourself trying to “up” the ante of suffering by saying something like “You think you’ve got it bad? Listen to what happened to me…”  like the Monty Python sketch where they all say “Luxury!”

Yes there will be suffering in your life, that’s part of living. But it’s not everything, it’s not the point of life and suffering is not some kind of currency that will bring you riches or health or happiness. It just brings you more suffering. When you believe this you will simply create and attract that into your life.

The whole ethos of the environment becomes “Look how much I’m suffering”

I’d like to turn this round and say no pain no pain.

Pleasure please.

I would love for everyone to live without the guilt and shame that surrounds sexual pleasure and orgasm. Your body was built for pleasure. You have a god given and divine right to enjoy it. So do it. Do it now. Do it for yourself.

If you have been in an abusive situation in the past that is still affecting you, or you have trouble connecting with your sexuality then why not contact me lisa@the-o-coach.com   0845 468 1508  

Until next time

Lisa

Anorgasmia. What is it?

Sex and orgasm should be pleasurable, joyful, fun, relaxing, blissful and more. So why is it that some women simply cannot achieve orgasm?

Anorgasmia is a form of sexual dysfunction sometimes classified as a psychiatric disorder in which a woman cannot achieve orgasm, even with “adequate” stimulation. If there is nothing physically wrong, then the cause must be emotional, which is what my work and this blog focuses on.

Pre-orgasmia, and anorgasmia in women is common. Studies suggest as many as 43% of women never or rarely achieve orgasm.

Here are some definitions.

Preorgasmia  which also called Primary Anorgasmia

This is a condition where someone has NEVER experienced an orgasm. This is significantly more common in women, although it can occur in men too.

Secondary anorgasmia

This is a condition where you have difficulty achieving orgasm. You have in the past but can’t any more. This can happen if you feel you have been violated in some way or had an emotionally traumatic event. This event need not be sexual in nature. Any emotional trauma can trigger this problem, as I will explain in upcoming posts.

Some women can achieve orgasm but only rarely, with some having as few as one or two orgasms in a year.

Why orgasms are important

An orgasm is felt as a series of uterine muscle contractions that last several seconds, releasing oxytocin in the process. Oxytocin regulates stress hormone levels stress and the menstrual cycle.

Not only are anorgasmic women denied intense sexual pleasure and satisfaction, but also a deficiency of oxytocin (the hormone generously released during orgasm) leads to

• stress
• obesity
• psychotic behaviour
• impairs cognitive functions
• increases breast-cancer risk

So it’s worth thinking about getting this problem solved.

You are Hardwired for Pleasure

Our bodies were designed for pleasure. The clitoris, g-spot and penis are full of nerve endings that are hardwired to pleasure centres in the brain. So why is it that for some people, even with all the right conditions  orgasm doen’t occur?

The Orgasm is a reflex reaction, out of our conscious control. It is the unconscious mind that controls it, which means, rather like sneezing, you can’t cognitively decide to have an orgasm. You can only create the right conditions and let the unconscious mind do the rest.

Coming Soon

In this series of blogs I’ll be covering the various causes for anaorgasmia and what can be done about it.

If you cannot or have not achieved orgasm IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  It can be solved and you will be able to enjoy sex, relationships, and your body freely.

Until next time

Lisa