9 Ways to Help Her Achieve Orgasm.

An estimated 50% of women rarely or never achieve orgasm. If your partner is one of these here are some simple and easy ways to unlock the mystery of the female orgasm. 

1.  Take the Pressure off Her. Do NOT ask “Did you come?”

If her orgasm becomes the “end goal” or sole purpose for having sex this will put ENORMOUS pressure on her. Pressure to achieve orgasm or to “perform” will STOP her relaxing enough to have an orgasm. 

Many men think that they are failing in some way, or less of a man if their partner does not come. If your ego or feelings are linked to your girlfriend’s orgasm it will only put more pressure on her. If she loves you (and I’m assuming she does) she will want you to feel good and to please you. Don’t make her feel like she is failing you if she can’t come. That would only put more pressure on her. Some women even fake it to take the pressure off and to please their partners. Instead make pleasure, fun and intimacy the purpose of making love. 

2.  Take the Pressure off Yourself

If your partner cannot achieve orgasm don’t take it personally. There are many reasons why women can’t orgasm and it is most likely nothing to do with the size of your penis, how long you can last or your sexual prowess. Although technique is important, this is something that you can easily learn.  Most importantly don’t let her lack of orgasm stop you enjoying making love together. 

3.  You Can’t Give Her an Orgasm Only She Can Take One

Many men will proudly boast about the great orgasms the “give” their partner. But the truth is that no one can GIVE anyone an orgasm. All you can do is create the right conditions. Like gardening, you dig the earth, prepare the soil, water the seeds, but in the end it’s the plant that does the growing. In the same way, make her feel safe, comfortable, relaxed, give her permission to enjoy her body (and yours) and then just wait and see. 

4.  Give Her Space and Permission to Learn Her Own Body

If your girlfriend has never achieved orgasm before then she will need the space, privacy and support to practice on her own. She needs to learn how her own body works, feels and responds and she will be much more comfortable doing this on her own. Encourage her to practice, self pleasure and masturbation. Give her space to do this. Go out, and if you have kids take them out too.  Let her know that this is HER time.  Encourage her to have a “date” with herself. When she finally does achieve orgasm – she will feel so proud of herself and happy. Make sure you celebrate it too. Don’t allow your feelings of wishing you had been the one to give her the orgasm get in the way of HER pleasure. 

Once she can achieve orgasm easily on her own, it’s then time for her to show you how it’s done. And then the fun really starts. 

5.  Foreplay, Moreplay, and Get Clirtorate

Learn the language of her body. Learn about her sexual response. The male and female sexual responses are VERY different so learn those differences. These are covered in our online course Ecstatic Living, but here are two important ones.

a) Timing

Touch, stroke, kiss and caress other body parts for at least 15 minutes before you even attempt to touch her genitals. Particularly for a woman it takes at least 15 minutes for the sex hormones to be distributed around her body in sufficient quantities for her to feel aroused. If you rush it not only will she not be ready, she will likely feel invaded. Wait to be invited. 

b) The clitoris, it’s a sensitive subject

The clitoris has TWICE as many nerve endings as the penis and over a smaller area. When you think you are using about the right amount of pressure, use even LESS. Feather soft strokes with the fingertips are perfect. If she wants you to press harder she will let you know. 

6.  Get Intimate

Yes women love orgasms, but intimacy can be just as important. Many women can achieve orgasm alone (and you’ll have to ask her about this) but not when you are present. The reasons for this are usually around her self confidence and the level of intimacy she is comfortable with. Make her feel really comfortable in your presence. The way to do this is to be really comfortable in your own presence, and have great presence. 

7.  Masculine Energy

Many pre-orgasmic women have an excess of male energy. This makes her overly rational and logical. She can get stuck in her head and thoughts rather than her intuition and in her body. This can cause her to shut off from her sexuality.  For her to achieve orgasm she will need to raise her feminine energy, and although you can’t do that for her, you can make it feel safer for her to move into that feminine essence. Raising your own masculine energy will help her do this. Develop your inner strength and learn more about raising masculine energy.

A woman likes to feel comfortable and safe with her man. The best way you can do this is for YOU to be comfortable in and with yourself. 

8.  Soul Connection

The secret to great sex has nothing to do with the physical body. It is actually all about the emotional and spiritual connection between two people. At orgasm the ego (lower self) is surrendered. When you know how to exchange your sexual and orgasmic energy you will truly be making love and connecting at a spiritual level. The experience of this goes way beyond any physical pleasure and is exquisite bliss.

Sex is the barometer of how healthy a relationship is and it is the glue that binds it together.

9.  Sex Magic

Sex magic is said to be a highway to higher consciousness. When a couple have great sex at a soul level it not only strengthens the relationship it strengthens the individuals.

Really successful people have a very strong relationship and a good sex life is an essential part of that. Learning about sexual energy not only improves your sex life and your relationship it transforms all areas of your life too.

To Your Bliss

By Dr. Lisa Turner

For a free audio on how sexual energy and sex magic, including more info on the full body orgasm, click here.

So we know this is “normal” but why does it happen and what can you do about it?

Sex is the glue that binds a couple together and the barometer of how well the relationship is doing.

It’s also the barometer of the levels of sexual energy within an individual. The reasons one person is attracted to another are complex but at the root of it is sexual energy, and sexual charge.

Within the body there is a polarity of sexual energy. Men have masculine energy in the head, and feminine energy in the genitals, women have the opposite, feminine energy in the heard, and masculine energy in the genitals.

It is this opposite polarities that causes the attraction and sexual charge.

For both men and women, these polarities flip at orgasm.

In addition men lose a vast amount of sexual charge. Most people don’t know how to recharge their sexual energy and so over time they both become depleted and then find their partner less attractive. The magnetism has gone, the sexual charge depleted.

At best this results in a platonic relationship, at worst infidelity results as one or other becomes attracted to the high sexual charge of the other.

By learning to re-charge yourself sexually you will become, once again magnetically attractive to your mate. Recharging your sexual batteries is the best way to maintain and even improve not only your sex life, but also your relationship.

Laughing with Gandhi. 2nd Installment of my book

Releasing the resistance to pain will release the discomfort. Resistance equals judgement.

Indulge me for a moment whilst I briefly mention pain and compassion. We need pain. Pain or the discomfort that lies between where we are and what we would choose causes us to move towards what we would choose. It is that pain, or tension that pulls us forward. When we feel pain, what we feel is the tension between our current experience and what we would like to experience.

As an engineer I regularly find myself saying “there must be a better way of doing that”. It is that desire to seek something better that creates new discoveries and inventions. Thomas Newcomen wanted to pump water out of a tin mine a little more easily, so he crafted the Beam Engine in 1712

Then along came Mrs. Watt’s boy Jimmy (James Watt). He was always messing about making things and took a look at Newcomen’s engine and added a few bits to it that massively increased its efficiency. (go to Crofton, Wiltshire, UK, to see a wonderful working example of one dating from 1812).

So clever were he and his mate Matt (Mathew Boulton) that together the made rotational motion possible, thus leading to the development steam engine used in trains. That lead, via a few dead ends, u-turns and re-engineering to the internal combustion engine, the automobile. Just listen to that a word Auto (without effort) mobile (to move).

Just because Tommy Newcomen played with water as a kid near the tin mines of Cornwall.

His work was intended to stop people, miners, from getting wet. The pain of getting wet – or drowning or being prevented from getting to the best strains of tin led to all kinds of discoveries. Yes my friends, pain is important. Pain is the tension between where you are and where you want to be.

Every time you want something, every time you desire something better or different, every time you say to yourself “Not this!” you might feel that pain. It is the discomfort of recognising that where you are, and what you are experiencing is not what you want.

When you are in a relationship that hurts, the pain you feel is the tension between what you have and what you would rather have. Don’t fight the pain; use it to direct yourself to what you want. It tells you that you have settled to low. It is there to push you take action to change something. The mistake many people make is that they use the pain as an excuse for staying where they are. They wear their problems like a medal, as a reason for NOT changing.

Which brings us to compassion. Compassion is the concern we have for another in pain. When another is in pain sometimes we feel it too, especially if it is someone we care about. Compassion for strangers happens when we resonate with their situation. They are like us, we are like them, now or in the past. Their pain is or was our pain. We know what that feels like.

But what we must never do is to deny them the opportunity to move out of it. Help them, or assist them by all means, but when they have asked and take action.

One of the single most important moments of my life was when I left, Neil, my partner of 7 years. I was 2 weeks away from my 20th birthday. As you will read shortly, the relationship was not a healthy one. I had been trapped and isolated in it for years longer than I wanted to be. I felt the pain of where I was, but was powerless (or so I thought) to change it.

I did eventually gather the strength, from really GOD knows where, to leave and move out. I found a grotty bedsit and paid my deposit. I did not drive; my only transportation was my bicycle. My dilemma become “how shall I get my stuff to my new place?”

To this day one of the single most important acts of unselfish kindness was exhibited by my friend Orla Murphy. She offered to borrow her sister’s car and move my stuff. She drove across London from Kensington to Haringey and ferried my boxes and clothes in her tiny Punto through the awful North London Traffic. Three trips was the sum total of my life. On the last trip I rode my bike behind her through the jam.

Eventually settling me in my new digs we had tea in a local cafe. “Are you going to be Ok?” Orla asked.

Thinking back I think she was more aware of my emotions than I was. I was on autopilot. Just get out, get my stuff out, don’t tell him where I’ve gone to and worry about the emotional stuff later.

I waved Orla off and stepped into my new home. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had no telly to distract me, and although an avid reader I couldn’t settle to a book. I wandered about not knowing where to put myself. None of the chairs or bed felt right. It was all so alien. I sat as if in a trance and didn’t move for about 3 hours. I kept thinking, I’ll get up and do something in a minute, but with nothing TO do I didn’t or couldn’t. It was as if the signals from my brain to my body were not connected. I felt paralysed. Eventually I managed to get myself ready for bed and woke up to begin my journey of recovery.

What has this to do with compassion? We can feel compassion to another, but can only help them when they are ready to help themselves.

Before I made the decision to leave my mum would occasionally say a few derogatory things about Neil. I never became defensive, but I did become a master of pretence. Too ashamed to admit I wasn’t happy, I pretended that Neil and I had the best, most supportive and loving relationship you could imagine. I made up elaborate tales to demonstrate his generosity, kindness and love. Though in truth, I was little more than an imprisoned slave.

Until I was ready to leave, until I had made conscious decision to leave and take the action necessary I couldn’t accept any help. I rejected it preferring to craft a deceptive denial for my own benefit as much as others.

One of the most important things I learn about my experiences has been that without a doubt I would not be here doing what I’m doing and being as awake and evolved as I now am. I say this, not to be arrogant, but to express pride in my own journey to waking up.

People who have led simple, uncomplicated, “happy” lives don’t seem to be as awake as those who have had a few knocks and scrapes. Those knocks and scrapes create compassion. Those who have been in pain know what it is like and our hearts bleed for them.

Some people are cannot feel compassion. They prefer to judge. “Silly girl” “You made your bed so you can lie in it”. My theory about those who can’t feel compassion is this, and it’s pretty simple. At some point in their past they needed compassion. They had made a “mistake” and whilst experiencing the consequences of their choices no compassion was shown. They didn’t have it shown to them when they were in need. They cannot be compassionate even to themselves. Perhaps they can’t forgive themselves for making bad choices and for not making new ones when it came to light that their situation was not as they would choose. Perhaps they were in that state of pain or tension, but felt powerless to move themselves. Who knows?

When we see people who appear to be experiencing a “problem” or who has made a choice that we would not, who are we to judge? When we recognise pain in them that they cannot own fully themselves, they could be experiencing the single most important part of their evolution. It is from this place that I share my story. To this day I still feel my experiences were hugely important for me and thank my mother and father for the support they always offered to me without making my choices for me by exercising what many would call ‘parental control’.

They allowed me to get wet, then handed me a towel.

I got wet!

My mother had a difficult childhood, she suffered with depression much of her life. The feeling I had before I could even talk, was that of suffocating sadness, a quietness that was so empty it felt as though being connected to anything else was impossible.

When I was 18 months old and barely walking our family had a day at the seaside in the North of England. Whilst no one was looking I suddenly stopped playing in the sand and quietly I stood up and walked into the sea. This memory is vague but very present for me. As if in trance my little limbs moved me towards the beckoning depths which called me into the embrace of her smothering, waves. The icy surf tumbled me over and over before I was fetched out. My parents hurriedly wrapped my in any dry clothing they had to hand. By way of observation is said “I got wet”

I repeated this experience almost identically and “got wet” again when I was 2 years old. Once again the sea called and drew me into her embrace. Once again I was called back to rejoin the living on land, my journey on earth not yet complete.

I don’t believe this was a conscious attempt at suicide. Therapists have suggested it was an unconscious one. Spiritual teachers have suggested it was an attempt to return to my spiritual source, to reject this incarnation, as if I knew what a tough life I had chosen and was attempting to re-negotiate my choices.

As I grew older I recall feeling very disconnected from life, a lack of joy produced a curiosity to know what it would be like to no longer exist in the physical form. The conventional view would be to label my suffering childhood depression. I resonate more closely with the spiritual idea that I was unconsciously realising what a hard life I had selected. Like enrolling in an advanced class in mathematics and wanting to drop out because the course work looked a bit tricky.

I’m glad I took this Karma class and chose to evolve. I have infinite compassion for those who have also taken tough options, the advanced course, regardless of whether or not they are doing their homework (taking action). I am compassionate. It took me a long time to wake up, and recognise the struggle that it can be to wake up from the safety of slumber and dreams.

Exercise 1: Where did you get wet? How did you decide that?

Write your life story. The best time to do this is first thing in the morning, even before you are fully awake.

When you have done this, make a list of the significant life events, such as when you moved house, changed job, started a new relationship, ended a relationship, recovered from an illness, or any other significant decision or change.

Even if you were not aware of making the choice consciously, pretend that you made the decision consciously and answer these questions.

What was your intention for making that choice? What did you hope to gain from that? Remember, imagine that it was a conscious choice even if it didn’t feel like it at the time.

What did you NOT choose? What was the action or choice NOT taken? What was the path NOT taken?

For each choice what were you feeling at the time you made those choices? What were your reasons for making that choice? What were your decision criteria for making that choice?

Notice the pattern to your life decision making. You will notice that there has been an underlying theme to what drove you to make those choices and changes in your past. If you do not learn to become conscious of this theme you will continue to make decisions unconsciously. If you are happy with your life, your choices and your decisions this is fine. But if you are not then you will need to become conscious of them in order for you to change them.

For now be happy that you are conscious of how and why you have made your choices.

Until next time

Lisa

p.s. If you liked this let me know.

He called me up for a quickie coaching session to help get himself all excited and raring to go for the challenge.

Listen to the O Coach show Steve how to get to grips with his equipment and mindset.

If you enjoyed this audio – pass the link on. Oh, and remember to donate your £1.

We live in a very “left brain” rational society. Emotions, intuition and feelings are disapproved of, not only in the work place, but in all areas of life.  Life has become about control. Controlling ourselves, every thought, every process, and every action become entirely planned and controlled by our logical mind. Some people try to plan and pilot every aspect of their lives.

But orgasm is NOT under our conscious control. Like sneezes they are controlled by the irrational, unconscious, emotional, intuitive, holistic part of our brains. People who only use logical control find it hard to or even  impossible to let go.

Other symptoms that someone is overly controlling are:

• Inability to have fun.
• Don’t let their hair down.
• Being critical of both themselves and others.
• Being highly organised and unable handle changes of plan easily.
• They might come across as being demanding, extremely particular or fussy.
• They have muscle tension, stiff joints, headaches or migraine
• Nightmares, insomnia or other sleep disturbances.
• Often feel tired even when you know you shouldn’t
• They believe there is a right way and a wrong way to do everything.
• They are often quite pessimistic, or even despondent.

The healing process for these clients focuses on them learning how to relax, and let go and how to surrender to a little chaos.

One of the key factors is to communicate with your unconscious mind. Tap into your intuition if you like. You need to learn to trust their unconscious mind and slowly but surely release the tight hold on control.

Control is an illusion anyway. We can actually control very little. The unconscious mind, although it might seem irrational this is usually because it has much greater processing power so has information that the conscious mind does not. If it is left alone and allowed to do its job, all areas of life can improve.

The solution for this starts with the woman first accepting the need to relax control. Unfortunately they find this very difficult as it might not feel safe for them. Also they are often completely unaware that they are very controlled or even that this is part of the problem.

The clues are often apparent as soon as they contact me, but the number of restrictions they place around and the way of them getting onto a workshop. They will say things like “it has to be in May” or “I can’t do Tuesdays”. They will need to know a lot of specifics about the content and ask for details of my credentials.

Sadly for most of these women they put so many restrictions that they rarely take action to move forward. It is as if they have locked themselves into a cage or are so tightly wrapped up in their “shoulds” and “have tos” that they never even give themselves the freedom to come to see me.

Fortunately those that do come to see me experience fantastic transformations and find that by letting go they actually gain more influence over their lives. And of course, they end up being able to achieve orgasm and harness their energy which also increases their persona power, and effectiveness. Control without power is impotent.

The problem is one of energy and it is too much masculine energy and not enough feminine energy.

Feminine energy is raw power, but it is a little chaotic.

Masculine energy is control, but is can be restrictive

We need both.

Control without power is impotent

Power without control is destructive.

The healing includes things to get them to relax, let go and enjoy a little chaos. Energy work to raise the feminine energy as well as meditation, hypnosis and relaxation techniques. Bodywork to get them out of their head and into their body is also important. Yoga and Chi Gong movement is excellent for this.

If you would like to know how to increase your personal power and influence or you cannot achieve orgasm then contact me          0845 468 1508           lisa@the-o-coach.com

Until next time

Lisa

Emotional trauma from past events can cause people to numb themselves from all feelings, both emotional and physical. This is a form of severe dissociation. Where a person becomes completely disconnected from their body and emotional feelings.

This happens when too much emotional pain from any kind of traumatic events has simply made feelings, all feelings, emotional and physical, seem unsafe. They have learnt to block out the pain and in doing so have blocked everything out too.

Abuse

Abusive relationships are a common reason people become numb to their emotional and physical feelings. The abuse need not be violent or sexual. Any kind of abuse can lead to emotional problems that stop people being able to enjoy themselves. Emotional abuse can be a slow, drip feed of pain or can be a single highly traumatic event. More about abusive relationships here.

I see many clients like this who are often detached and have trouble with all relationships, intimate, family even friendships become difficult. They have so many painful emotions that any slight criticism can destroy the fragile shell they have put around themselves.

Their healing process centers on the releasing of the painful emotions. Once released the emotional trauma feelings become safe once again. They get back in touch with themselves both emotionally and physically. They now allow themselves to feel their positive and pleasant emotions again.

Living from pain

We live in a pleasure starved culture. No pain, no gain is the modern mantra.

Some even believe that suffering and martyrdom actually buys or earns you something, that it make you a better person somehow.

We have become so focused on achieving something, an end goal. We exercise, not because it’s fun, but because we want to lose weight, or get fit, or look good. Fun and pleasure are almost taboo. Doing something, anything, just because it feels nice is almost unacceptable. Add to that the taboos and shame surrounding sex and it’s not surprising that many women and men don’t enjoy sex.

Pride in suffering

But being proud of suffering does nothing but cause more pain and suffering. Have you ever worked in a job where everyone brags about how much work they have to do? How busy they are? Have you ever found yourself trying to “up” the ante of suffering by saying something like “You think you’ve got it bad? Listen to what happened to me…”  like the Monty Python sketch where they all say “Luxury!”

Yes there will be suffering in your life, that’s part of living. But it’s not everything, it’s not the point of life and suffering is not some kind of currency that will bring you riches or health or happiness. It just brings you more suffering. When you believe this you will simply create and attract that into your life.

The whole ethos of the environment becomes “Look how much I’m suffering”

I’d like to turn this round and say no pain no pain.

Pleasure please.

I would love for everyone to live without the guilt and shame that surrounds sexual pleasure and orgasm. Your body was built for pleasure. You have a god given and divine right to enjoy it. So do it. Do it now. Do it for yourself.

If you have been in an abusive situation in the past that is still affecting you, or you have trouble connecting with your sexuality then why not contact me lisa@the-o-coach.com   0845 468 1508  

Until next time

Lisa

Before you read this blog post, please note that I have referred to the man as the abuser, not because men are always the abuser and women the abused, but only because this is more common.

The abuse usually takes the form of control which is the essence of masculine energy. In a relationship either the man or the woman can abuse  or control using their masculine energy. Men usually have more masculine energy than women.

The pattern of abuse.

There are five forms of abuse and they may occur in any order. In any order there is:

Social violence.

The woman is completely isolated from all societal support. Friends and family are no longer available. Friendships are made difficult or forbidden. There is often social undermining, where he will tease her in public.

Economic violence.

He controls the finances. In some cases he may keep her poor by gambling, drinking or not working, or just overspending. She will often be prevented from working so that has no independent income. If she has children this is very easy for him to do. childcare is expensive and even if available working is difficult for mothers without support from their partner.

Psychological violence

This is the constant erosion of her self esteem. It is usually relentless with every opportunity being taken to try to make her feel bad about herself and as if she is lucky to have him as no-one else would have her.

Sexual violence.

Which doesn’t necessarily mean rape, although it can be. Most of all it is the complete control of her sexuality and the sexual relationship. He decides when, how, where, if and so on.

Physical Violence

Then, when she has

• no money, (economic abuse)
• no energy, (sexual abuse)
• no friends or family and (social abuse)
• no self esteem (psychological abuse)

if she dares to show any resistance to total control, if she dares to show any small spark of independent thought, then he will hit her. And that is why she will stay.

So next time you hear of someone being beaten, man or woman.  And you are tempted to ask yourself why do they stay? Why don’t they just leave?

THAT IS WHY THEY STAY!

More about the cycle and pattern of abuse, including my own experiences in my upcoming book Laughing with Ghandi.

If you have been or think you might be in an abusive relationship and would like some help contact me lisa@the-o-coach.com

Until Next Time

Lisa

An orgasm is just for relief right? Sexual tension increases until you feel compelled to do something about it, and then you masturbate or have sex to achieve an orgasmic relief. But are there other things you can do with your orgasm and sexual energy?

We put in so much effort for that 30 seconds of bliss but have you ever wondered if there could be more to it or wished you could make it last?

What would it be like if you could maintain that state of bliss and feel energised and enlivened by it all the time?

Using some special techniques and your own personal energy, you can learn to not only enjoy longer, more intense orgasms but use the energy they create to lead a more fulfilling life too

Remember that peak moment of bliss just before you come. Imagine being able to sustain that for longer and longer. That is what you can learn to do on our workshops.

And when you do learn this, you become magnetically attractive to everyone. We are all intrinsically attracted to energy. This is what people mean when they talk about “chemistry”.

 So here are some things you can do to harness your orgasmic energy.

Suppress it

I don’t recommend this in the long term, but next time you are feeling a little aroused simply delay gratification for a few hours or even days notice how other people react to you. Make sure you don’t suppress your sexual energy for too long though as it WILL eventually demand release and it might do so at a time that is not convenient or appropriate. Too much suppressed energy will always leak out somewhere. 

Delay it

I recommend this to all my clients. Next time you make love or masturbate, when you reach that moment just when you think you are going to come. HANDS OFF. To a few very deep breaths, and then continue. On my workshops I teach a technique to move the energy up your body so that it begins to turn into a full body orgasm. But even simply delaying your orgasm will eventually have you gagging for it so that when you eventually do come it will be excruciatingly pleasurable. 

Surrender to it

Once you have delayed your orgasm several times it’s time to “treat yourself” Surrender to the pleasure and be fully conscious of every pulsing wave of bliss as it moves up your body. As you begin your orgasm contract your pelvic muscles. Your orgasm will last as longer if you hold that contraction, which is why I give my students exercises to tone these muscles ready for the full body orgasm. 

Transmute it

This is an advanced technique that I teach my clients once they have mastered the basics. As you begin your orgasm you start to move the sensation up your body. You spin and cycle the bliss and energy and orgasmic pleasure pulses up your body.

You will feel it in your back, your heart, your mind, your fingertips and even your hair will feel like it is coming too. As you continue to practice this full body orgasm technique you never return down to the normal post orgasm low. You stay on that orgasmic high for longer and longer.

When you begin to live orgasmically you become calmer, more balanced, more secure in yourself and as a result become more confident and charismatic. Others will wonder what it is about you, and you can choose to keep or share your secret as you live orgasmically.

Want to hear more about living orgasmically? Make sure you visit the LoveHoney Blog every week during June and drop back her to my blog too!

Until next time

Lisa

Anorgasmia. What is it?

Sex and orgasm should be pleasurable, joyful, fun, relaxing, blissful and more. So why is it that some women simply cannot achieve orgasm?

Anorgasmia is a form of sexual dysfunction sometimes classified as a psychiatric disorder in which a woman cannot achieve orgasm, even with “adequate” stimulation. If there is nothing physically wrong, then the cause must be emotional, which is what my work and this blog focuses on.

Pre-orgasmia, and anorgasmia in women is common. Studies suggest as many as 43% of women never or rarely achieve orgasm.

Here are some definitions.

Preorgasmia  which also called Primary Anorgasmia

This is a condition where someone has NEVER experienced an orgasm. This is significantly more common in women, although it can occur in men too.

Secondary anorgasmia

This is a condition where you have difficulty achieving orgasm. You have in the past but can’t any more. This can happen if you feel you have been violated in some way or had an emotionally traumatic event. This event need not be sexual in nature. Any emotional trauma can trigger this problem, as I will explain in upcoming posts.

Some women can achieve orgasm but only rarely, with some having as few as one or two orgasms in a year.

Why orgasms are important

An orgasm is felt as a series of uterine muscle contractions that last several seconds, releasing oxytocin in the process. Oxytocin regulates stress hormone levels stress and the menstrual cycle.

Not only are anorgasmic women denied intense sexual pleasure and satisfaction, but also a deficiency of oxytocin (the hormone generously released during orgasm) leads to

• stress
• obesity
• psychotic behaviour
• impairs cognitive functions
• increases breast-cancer risk

So it’s worth thinking about getting this problem solved.

You are Hardwired for Pleasure

Our bodies were designed for pleasure. The clitoris, g-spot and penis are full of nerve endings that are hardwired to pleasure centres in the brain. So why is it that for some people, even with all the right conditions  orgasm doen’t occur?

The Orgasm is a reflex reaction, out of our conscious control. It is the unconscious mind that controls it, which means, rather like sneezing, you can’t cognitively decide to have an orgasm. You can only create the right conditions and let the unconscious mind do the rest.

Coming Soon

In this series of blogs I’ll be covering the various causes for anaorgasmia and what can be done about it.

If you cannot or have not achieved orgasm IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  It can be solved and you will be able to enjoy sex, relationships, and your body freely.

Until next time

Lisa

June is Orgasm month and each week month LoveHoney.co.uk have been kind enough to host one of my blogs. You can read the first one here as well as enjoy all the fabulous sex toys that Lovehoney have to offer.

LoveHoney.co.uk sell sex toys and their fun and light hearted attitude will make you feel comfortable and at ease. Their website is packed with information and advice too.

Apparantly over 52% of women have used a vibrator. So you’re in the minority and almost abnormal NOT to have one. So get yourself over to LoveHoney and have a look.

Until next time

Lisa