Cause of Anorgasmia: Emotionally Numb

Emotionally Numb

numbEmotional trauma from past events can cause people to numb themselves from all feelings, both emotional and physical. This is a form of severe dissociation. Where a person becomes completely disconnected from their body and emotional feelings.

This happens when too much emotional pain from any kind of traumatic events has simply made feelings, all feelings, emotional and physical, seem unsafe. They have learnt to block out the pain and in doing so have blocked everything out too.


Abusive relationships are a common reason people become numb to their emotional and physical feelings. The abuse need not be violent or sexual. Any kind of abuse can lead to emotional problems that stop people being able to enjoy themselves. Emotional abuse can be a slow, drip feed of pain or can be a single highly traumatic event. More about abusive relationships here.

I see many clients like this who are often detached and have trouble with all relationships, intimate, family even friendships become difficult. They have so many painful emotions that any slight criticism can destroy the fragile shell they have put around themselves.

Their healing process centers on the releasing of the painful emotions. Once released the emotional trauma feelings become safe once again. They get back in touch with themselves both emotionally and physically. They now allow themselves to feel their positive and pleasant emotions again.

Living from pain

CBR001209We live in a pleasure starved culture. No pain, no gain is the modern mantra.

Some even believe that suffering and martyrdom actually buys or earns you something, that it make you a better person somehow.

We have become so focused on achieving something, an end goal. We exercise, not because it’s fun, but because we want to lose weight, or get fit, or look good. Fun and pleasure are almost taboo. Doing something, anything, just because it feels nice is almost unacceptable. Add to that the taboos and shame surrounding sex and it’s not surprising that many women and men don’t enjoy sex.

Pride in suffering

But being proud of suffering does nothing but cause more pain and suffering. Have you ever worked in a job where everyone brags about how much work they have to do? How busy they are? Have you ever found yourself trying to “up” the ante of suffering by saying something like “You think you’ve got it bad? Listen to what happened to me…”  like the Monty Python sketch where they all say “Luxury!”

Yes there will be suffering in your life, that’s part of living. But it’s not everything, it’s not the point of life and suffering is not some kind of currency that will bring you riches or health or happiness. It just brings you more suffering. When you believe this you will simply create and attract that into your life.

The whole ethos of the environment becomes “Look how much I’m suffering”

I’d like to turn this round and say no pain no pain.

happy-womanPleasure please.

I would love for everyone to live without the guilt and shame that surrounds sexual pleasure and orgasm. Your body was built for pleasure. You have a god given and divine right to enjoy it. So do it. Do it now. Do it for yourself.

If you have been in an abusive situation in the past that is still affecting you, or you have trouble connecting with your sexuality then why not contact me   0845 468 1508

Until next time


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