Archive for the ‘Orgasm’ Category

Unlocking the Mystery of the Female Orgasm

Sunday, February 14th, 2010

Unlocking the Mystery of the Female Orgasm

9 Ways to Help Her Achieve Orgasm.

An estimated 50% of women rarely or never achieve orgasm. If your partner is one of these here are some simple and easy ways to unlock the mystery of the female orgasm.

1.  Take the Pressure off Her. Do NOT ask “Did you come?”

If her orgasm becomes the “end goal” or sole purpose for having sex this will put ENORMOUS pressure on her. Pressure to achieve orgasm or to “perform” will STOP her relaxing enough to have an orgasm.

Many men think that they are failing in some way, or less of a man if their partner does not come. If your ego or feelings are linked to your girlfriend’s orgasm it will only put more pressure on her. If she loves you (and I’m assuming she does) she will want you to feel good and to please you. Don’t make her feel like she is failing you if she can’t come. That would only put more pressure on her. Some women even fake it to take the pressure off and to please their partners. Instead make pleasure, fun and intimacy the purpose of making love.

2.  Take the Pressure off Yourself

If your partner cannot achieve orgasm don’t take it personally. There are many reasons why women can’t orgasm and it is most likely nothing to do with the size of your penis, how long you can last or your sexual prowess. Although technique is important, this is something that you can easily learn.  Most importantly don’t let her lack of orgasm stop you enjoying making love together.

3.  You Can’t Give Her an Orgasm Only She Can Take One

Many men will proudly boast about the great orgasms the “give” their partner. But the truth is that no one can GIVE anyone an orgasm. All you can do is create the right conditions. Like gardening, you dig the earth, prepare the soil, water the seeds, but in the end it’s the plant that does the growing. In the same way, make her feel safe, comfortable, relaxed, give her permission to enjoy her body (and yours) and then just wait and see.

4.  Give Her Space and Permission to Learn Her Own Body

If your girlfriend has never achieved orgasm before then she will need the space, privacy and support to practice on her own. She needs to learn how her own body works, feels and responds and she will be much more comfortable doing this on her own. Encourage her to practice, self pleasure and masturbation. Give her space to do this. Go out, and if you have kids take them out too.  Let her know that this is HER time.  Encourage her to have a “date” with herself. When she finally does achieve orgasm – she will feel so proud of herself and happy. Make sure you celebrate it too. Don’t allow your feelings of wishing you had been the one to give her the orgasm get in the way of HER pleasure.

Once she can achieve orgasm easily on her own, it’s then time for her to show you how it’s done. And then the fun really starts.

5.  Foreplay, Moreplay, and Get Clirtorate

Learn the language of her body. Learn about her sexual response. The male and female sexual responses are VERY different so learn those differences. These are covered in our online course Ecstatic Living, but here are two important ones.

a) Timing

Touch, stroke, kiss and caress other body parts for at least 15 minutes before you even attempt to touch her genitals. Particularly for a woman it takes at least 15 minutes for the sex hormones to be distributed around her body in sufficient quantities for her to feel aroused. If you rush it not only will she not be ready, she will likely feel invaded. Wait to be invited.

b) The clitoris, it’s a sensitive subject

The clitoris has TWICE as many nerve endings as the penis and over a smaller area. When you think you are using about the right amount of pressure, use even LESS. Feather soft strokes with the fingertips are perfect. If she wants you to press harder she will let you know.

6.  Get Intimate

Yes women love orgasms, but intimacy can be just as important. Many women can achieve orgasm alone (and you’ll have to ask her about this) but not when you are present. The reasons for this are usually around her self confidence and the level of intimacy she is comfortable with. Make her feel really comfortable in your presence. The way to do this is to be really comfortable in your own presence, and have great presence.

7.  Masculine Energy

Many pre-orgasmic women have an excess of male energy. This makes her overly rational and logical. She can get stuck in her head and thoughts rather than her intuition and in her body. This can cause her to shut off from her sexuality.  For her to achieve orgasm she will need to raise her feminine energy, and although you can’t do that for her, you can make it feel safer for her to move into that feminine essence. Raising your own masculine energy will help her do this. Develop your inner strength and learn more about raising masculine energy.

A woman likes to feel comfortable and safe with her man. The best way you can do this is for YOU to be comfortable in and with yourself.

8.  Soul Connection

The secret to great sex has nothing to do with the physical body. It is actually all about the emotional and spiritual connection between two people. At orgasm the ego (lower self) is surrendered. When you know how to exchange your sexual and orgasmic energy you will truly be making love and connecting at a spiritual level. The experience of this goes way beyond any physical pleasure and is exquisite bliss.

Sex is the barometer of how healthy a relationship is and it is the glue that binds it together.

9.  Sex Magic

Sex magic is said to be a highway to higher consciousness. When a couple have great sex at a soul level it not only strengthens the relationship it strengthens the individuals.

Really successful people have a very strong relationship and a good sex life is an essential part of that. Learning about sexual energy not only improves your sex life and your relationship it transforms all areas of your life too.

To Your Bliss

By Dr. Lisa Turner

For a free audio on how sexual energy and sex magic, including more info on the full body orgasm, click here.

Why your sex life has lost its sparkle and how to get it back.

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

42-15641366When a couple have been together for a while it’s easy for the sparkle to fade, for your sex life to become a bit hum drum, and those feelings of raging passion and raw lust that you felt in the beginning have given way to indifference and even boredom.

So we know this is “normal” but why does it happen and what can you do about it?

Sex is the glue that binds a couple together and the barometer of how well the relationship is doing.

It’s also the barometer of the levels of sexual energy within an individual. The reasons one person is attracted to another are complex but at the root of it is sexual energy, and sexual charge.

Within the body there is a polarity of sexual energy. Men have masculine energy in the head, and feminine energy in the genitals, women have the opposite, feminine energy in the heard, and masculine energy in the genitals.

It is this opposite polarities that causes the attraction and sexual charge.

For both men and women, these polarities flip at orgasm.

In addition men lose a vast amount of sexual charge. Most people don’t know how to recharge their sexual energy and so over time they both become depleted and then find their partner less attractive. The magnetism has gone, the sexual charge depleted.

At best this results in a platonic relationship, at worst infidelity results as one or other becomes attracted to the high sexual charge of the other.

By learning to re-charge yourself sexually you will become, once again magnetically attractive to your mate. Recharging your sexual batteries is the best way to maintain and even improve not only your sex life, but also your relationship.

Anorgasmia: Trying to stay in control

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

Being in your head. Needing to be in control. Can’t let go.

pilotsWe live in a very “left brain” rational society. Emotions, intuition and feelings are disapproved of, not only in the work place, but in all areas of life.  Life has become about control. Controlling ourselves, every thought, every process, and every action become entirely planned and controlled by our logical mind. Some people try to plan and pilot every aspect of their lives.

But orgasm is NOT under our conscious control. Like sneezes they are controlled by the irrational, unconscious, emotional, intuitive, holistic part of our brains. People who only use logical control find it hard to or even  impossible to let go.

Other symptoms that someone is overly controlling are:

  • Inability to have fun.
  • Don’t let their hair down.
  • Being critical of both themselves and others.
  • Being highly organised and unable handle changes of plan easily.
  • They might come across as being demanding, extremely particular or fussy.
  • They have muscle tension, stiff joints, headaches or migraine
  • Nightmares, insomnia or other sleep disturbances.
  • Often feel tired even when you know you shouldn’t
  • They believe there is a right way and a wrong way to do everything.
  • They are often quite pessimistic, or even despondent.

The healing process for these clients focuses on them learning how to relax, and let go and how to surrender to a little chaos.

One of the key factors is to communicate with your unconscious mind. Tap into your intuition if you like. You need to learn to trust their unconscious mind and slowly but surely release the tight hold on control.

Control is an illusion anyway. We can actually control very little. The unconscious mind, although it might seem irrational this is usually because it has much greater processing power so has information that the conscious mind does not. If it is left alone and allowed to do its job, all areas of life can improve.

The solution for this starts with the woman first accepting the need to relax control. Unfortunately they find this very difficult as it might not feel safe for them. Also they are often completely unaware that they are very controlled or even that this is part of the problem.

The clues are often apparent as soon as they contact me, but the number of restrictions they place around and the way of them getting onto a workshop. They will say things like “it has to be in May” or “I can’t do Tuesdays”. They will need to know a lot of specifics about the content and ask for details of my credentials.

Sadly for most of these women they put so many restrictions that they rarely take action to move forward. It is as if they have locked themselves into a cage or are so tightly wrapped up in their “shoulds” and “have tos” that they never even give themselves the freedom to come to see me.

Fortunately those that do come to see me experience fantastic transformations and find that by letting go they actually gain more influence over their lives. And of course, they end up being able to achieve orgasm and harness their energy which also increases their persona power, and effectiveness. Control without power is impotent.

The problem is one of energy and it is too much masculine energy and not enough feminine energy.

FractalFeminine energy is raw power, but it is a little chaotic.

Masculine energy is control, but is can be restrictive

We need both.

Control without power is impotent

Power without control is destructive.

The healing includes things to get them to relax, let go and enjoy a little chaos. Energy work to raise the feminine energy as well as meditation, hypnosis and relaxation techniques. Bodywork to get them out of their head and into their body is also important. Yoga and Chi Gong movement is excellent for this.

If you would like to know how to increase your personal power and influence or you cannot achieve orgasm then contact me          0845 468 1508 

Until next time


Cause of Anorgasmia: Emotionally Numb

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

Emotionally Numb

numbEmotional trauma from past events can cause people to numb themselves from all feelings, both emotional and physical. This is a form of severe dissociation. Where a person becomes completely disconnected from their body and emotional feelings.

This happens when too much emotional pain from any kind of traumatic events has simply made feelings, all feelings, emotional and physical, seem unsafe. They have learnt to block out the pain and in doing so have blocked everything out too.


Abusive relationships are a common reason people become numb to their emotional and physical feelings. The abuse need not be violent or sexual. Any kind of abuse can lead to emotional problems that stop people being able to enjoy themselves. Emotional abuse can be a slow, drip feed of pain or can be a single highly traumatic event. More about abusive relationships here.

I see many clients like this who are often detached and have trouble with all relationships, intimate, family even friendships become difficult. They have so many painful emotions that any slight criticism can destroy the fragile shell they have put around themselves.

Their healing process centers on the releasing of the painful emotions. Once released the emotional trauma feelings become safe once again. They get back in touch with themselves both emotionally and physically. They now allow themselves to feel their positive and pleasant emotions again.

Living from pain

CBR001209We live in a pleasure starved culture. No pain, no gain is the modern mantra.

Some even believe that suffering and martyrdom actually buys or earns you something, that it make you a better person somehow.

We have become so focused on achieving something, an end goal. We exercise, not because it’s fun, but because we want to lose weight, or get fit, or look good. Fun and pleasure are almost taboo. Doing something, anything, just because it feels nice is almost unacceptable. Add to that the taboos and shame surrounding sex and it’s not surprising that many women and men don’t enjoy sex.

Pride in suffering

But being proud of suffering does nothing but cause more pain and suffering. Have you ever worked in a job where everyone brags about how much work they have to do? How busy they are? Have you ever found yourself trying to “up” the ante of suffering by saying something like “You think you’ve got it bad? Listen to what happened to me…”  like the Monty Python sketch where they all say “Luxury!”

Yes there will be suffering in your life, that’s part of living. But it’s not everything, it’s not the point of life and suffering is not some kind of currency that will bring you riches or health or happiness. It just brings you more suffering. When you believe this you will simply create and attract that into your life.

The whole ethos of the environment becomes “Look how much I’m suffering”

I’d like to turn this round and say no pain no pain.

happy-womanPleasure please.

I would love for everyone to live without the guilt and shame that surrounds sexual pleasure and orgasm. Your body was built for pleasure. You have a god given and divine right to enjoy it. So do it. Do it now. Do it for yourself.

If you have been in an abusive situation in the past that is still affecting you, or you have trouble connecting with your sexuality then why not contact me   0845 468 1508

Until next time


What Can You Do With Your Orgasm?

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

4 things you can do with your orgasm

Ahippy-girln orgasm is just for relief right? Sexual tension increases until you feel compelled to do something about it, and then you masturbate or have sex to achieve an orgasmic relief. But are there other things you can do with your orgasm and sexual energy?

We put in so much effort for that 30 seconds of bliss but have you ever wondered if there could be more to it or wished you could make it last?

What would it be like if you could maintain that state of bliss and feel energised and enlivened by it all the time?

Using some special techniques and your own personal energy, you can learn to not only enjoy longer, more intense orgasms but use the energy they create to lead a more fulfilling life too

Remember that peak moment of bliss just before you come. Imagine being able to sustain that for longer and longer. That is what you can learn to do on our workshops.

And when you do learn this, you become magnetically attractive to everyone. We are all intrinsically attracted to energy. This is what people mean when they talk about “chemistry”.

So here are some things you can do to harness your orgasmic energy.

Suppress it

I don’t recommend this in the long term, but next time you are feeling a little aroused simply delay gratification for a few hours or even days notice how other people react to you. Make sure you don’t suppress your sexual energy for too long though as it WILL eventually demand release and it might do so at a time that is not convenient or appropriate. Too much suppressed energy will always leak out somewhere.

Delay it

papayaI recommend this to all my clients. Next time you make love or masturbate, when you reach that moment just when you think you are going to come. HANDS OFF. To a few very deep breaths, and then continue. On my workshops I teach a technique to move the energy up your body so that it begins to turn into a full body orgasm. But even simply delaying your orgasm will eventually have you gagging for it so that when you eventually do come it will be excruciatingly pleasurable.

Surrender to it

Once you have delayed your orgasm several times it’s time to “treat yourself” Surrender to the pleasure and be fully conscious of every pulsing wave of bliss as it moves up your body. As you begin your orgasm contract your pelvic muscles. Your orgasm will last as longer if you hold that contraction, which is why I give my students exercises to tone these muscles ready for the full body orgasm.

Transmute it

Human ChakraThis is an advanced technique that I teach my clients once they have mastered the basics. As you begin your orgasm you start to move the sensation up your body. You spin and cycle the bliss and energy and orgasmic pleasure pulses up your body.

You will feel it in your back, your heart, your mind, your fingertips and even your hair will feel like it is coming too. As you continue to practice this full body orgasm technique you never return down to the normal post orgasm low. You stay on that orgasmic high for longer and longer.

When you begin to live orgasmically you become calmer, more balanced, more secure in yourself and as a result become more confident and charismatic. Others will wonder what it is about you, and you can choose to keep or share your secret as you live orgasmically.



Thursday, June 11th, 2009

Why Can’t You Come?

Anorgasmia. What is it?

desert-landscapeSex and orgasm should be pleasurable, joyful, fun, relaxing, blissful and more. So why is it that some women simply cannot achieve orgasm?

Anorgasmia is a form of sexual dysfunction sometimes classified as a psychiatric disorder in which a woman cannot achieve orgasm, even with “adequate” stimulation. If there is nothing physically wrong, then the cause must be emotional, which is what my work and this blog focuses on.

Pre-orgasmia, and anorgasmia in women is common. Studies suggest as many as 43% of women never or rarely achieve orgasm.

Here are some definitions.

Preorgasmia  which also called Primary Anorgasmia

This is a condition where someone has NEVER experienced an orgasm. This is significantly more common in women, although it can occur in men too.

Secondary anorgasmia

This is a condition where you have difficulty achieving orgasm. You have in the past but can’t any more. This can happen if you feel you have been violated in some way or had an emotionally traumatic event. This event need not be sexual in nature. Any emotional trauma can trigger this problem, as I will explain in upcoming posts.

Some women can achieve orgasm but only rarely, with some having as few as one or two orgasms in a year.

Why orgasms are important

humpback-whaleAn orgasm is felt as a series of uterine muscle contractions that last several seconds, releasing oxytocin in the process. Oxytocin regulates stress hormone levels stress and the menstrual cycle.

Not only are anorgasmic women denied intense sexual pleasure and satisfaction, but also a deficiency of oxytocin (the hormone generously released during orgasm) leads to

  • stress
  • obesity
  • psychotic behaviour
  • impairs cognitive functions
  • increases breast-cancer risk

So it’s worth thinking about getting this problem solved.

You are Hardwired for Pleasure

hippy-girlOur bodies were designed for pleasure. The clitoris, g-spot and penis are full of nerve endings that are hardwired to pleasure centres in the brain. So why is it that for some people, even with all the right conditions  orgasm doen’t occur?

The Orgasm is a reflex reaction, out of our conscious control. It is the unconscious mind that controls it, which means, rather like sneezing, you can’t cognitively decide to have an orgasm. You can only create the right conditions and let the unconscious mind do the rest.

Coming Soon

In this series of blogs I’ll be covering the various causes for anaorgasmia and what can be done about it.

If you cannot or have not achieved orgasm IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  It can be solved and you will be able to enjoy sex, relationships, and your body freely.

Until next time


Increasing Sexual Energy

Tuesday, May 5th, 2009

The O Coach discusses increasing sexual energy and living orgasmically. Click here to listen to this audio.

Want to find out more about The O Coach?

In this interview I answer the commonest questions about sexual energy, and living orgasmically. It’s only 12 minutes.

Orgasms and Energy

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Women get their energy from Vaginal and Full body orgasms. These types of orgasm will massively increase your energy. You will feel more vital, healthy, and energised. Although Clitoral Orgasms will slightly deplete your energy, they are far better than no orgasms at all.Men lose energy from “normal” orgasms, but with coaching you can learn to retain your energy, lengthen your orgasms and even become a multi orgasmic man. Without pills and with training and practice you can become a wonderful lover for your partner, help her to achieve better orgasms and enjoy your own even more.

No matter how good your sex life is there is always room for improvement. Even if you have great orgasms you can learn to have more, have them more often. And, most importantly, to harness their energy.

Types of Orgasms

Friday, February 20th, 2009

Did you know that women can have several types of orgasm?

The Clitoral orgasm.

In the past it was not recognised that women needed clitoral stimulation in order to achieve orgasm. Now this is commonly appreciated but often to the detriment to the other kinds of orgasms that women can achieve.

The Vaginal Orgasm.

This type involves the “G” spot and other highly sensitive areas that are inside the vagina. These orgasms are very different and can be either more or less intense physically, but energetically they raise your energy rather than deplete it.

Multiple Orgasms.

Where you stay at the height of sexual excitement such that you have a series of orgasms one after another. just like a string of pearls.

The Full Body Orgasm.

These are rare in most women. Not because they are difficult to achieve. With the right training, and practice (strangely not many of my clients mind this kind of homework!), anyone can achieve a full body orgasm – including men. These can go on for anything up to 30 minutes, although several minutes is more usual.

What is an orgasm?

Friday, February 20th, 2009

In the most basic sense an orgasm is nothing more than muscular tension released through a short series of contractions, which occur at approximately 0.8-second intervals.

Yet the amount of energy, time, devotion and dedication that men and women dedicate to them suggests they are something more than this.

We also know that, for both men and women, orgasms release a powerful cocktail of chemicals and neurotransmitters in the brain. Orgasms are intensely pleasurable and result in feelings of euphoria, relaxation and peace.

But this is just the physical experience of orgasm. There is so much more that we can do with our orgasms and orgasmic energy.

Currently sexuality in our society is very orgasm focussed. The attention seems to be on having more and more orgasms.

At the Orgasm Coach – the focus is not on quantity, but quality. And using the energy that orgasms generate to become powerful and successful in all areas of life, not just your sex life.