Unlocking the Mystery of the Female Orgasm
9 Ways to Help Her Achieve Orgasm.
An estimated 50% of women rarely or never achieve orgasm. If your partner is one of these here are some simple and easy ways to unlock the mystery of the female orgasm.
1. Take the Pressure off Her. Do NOT ask “Did you come?”
If her orgasm becomes the “end goal” or sole purpose for having sex this will put ENORMOUS pressure on her. Pressure to achieve orgasm or to “perform” will STOP her relaxing enough to have an orgasm.
Many men think that they are failing in some way, or less of a man if their partner does not come. If your ego or feelings are linked to your girlfriend’s orgasm it will only put more pressure on her. If she loves you (and I’m assuming she does) she will want you to feel good and to please you. Don’t make her feel like she is failing you if she can’t come. That would only put more pressure on her. Some women even fake it to take the pressure off and to please their partners. Instead make pleasure, fun and intimacy the purpose of making love.
2. Take the Pressure off Yourself
If your partner cannot achieve orgasm don’t take it personally. There are many reasons why women can’t orgasm and it is most likely nothing to do with the size of your penis, how long you can last or your sexual prowess. Although technique is important, this is something that you can easily learn. Most importantly don’t let her lack of orgasm stop you enjoying making love together.
3. You Can’t Give Her an Orgasm Only She Can Take One
Many men will proudly boast about the great orgasms the “give” their partner. But the truth is that no one can GIVE anyone an orgasm. All you can do is create the right conditions. Like gardening, you dig the earth, prepare the soil, water the seeds, but in the end it’s the plant that does the growing. In the same way, make her feel safe, comfortable, relaxed, give her permission to enjoy her body (and yours) and then just wait and see.
4. Give Her Space and Permission to Learn Her Own Body
If your girlfriend has never achieved orgasm before then she will need the space, privacy and support to practice on her own. She needs to learn how her own body works, feels and responds and she will be much more comfortable doing this on her own. Encourage her to practice, self pleasure and masturbation. Give her space to do this. Go out, and if you have kids take them out too. Let her know that this is HER time. Encourage her to have a “date” with herself. When she finally does achieve orgasm – she will feel so proud of herself and happy. Make sure you celebrate it too. Don’t allow your feelings of wishing you had been the one to give her the orgasm get in the way of HER pleasure.
Once she can achieve orgasm easily on her own, it’s then time for her to show you how it’s done. And then the fun really starts.
5. Foreplay, Moreplay, and Get Clirtorate
Learn the language of her body. Learn about her sexual response. The male and female sexual responses are VERY different so learn those differences. These are covered in our online course Ecstatic Living, but here are two important ones.
a) Timing
Touch, stroke, kiss and caress other body parts for at least 15 minutes before you even attempt to touch her genitals. Particularly for a woman it takes at least 15 minutes for the sex hormones to be distributed around her body in sufficient quantities for her to feel aroused. If you rush it not only will she not be ready, she will likely feel invaded. Wait to be invited.
b) The clitoris, it’s a sensitive subject
The clitoris has TWICE as many nerve endings as the penis and over a smaller area. When you think you are using about the right amount of pressure, use even LESS. Feather soft strokes with the fingertips are perfect. If she wants you to press harder she will let you know.
6. Get Intimate
Yes women love orgasms, but intimacy can be just as important. Many women can achieve orgasm alone (and you’ll have to ask her about this) but not when you are present. The reasons for this are usually around her self confidence and the level of intimacy she is comfortable with. Make her feel really comfortable in your presence. The way to do this is to be really comfortable in your own presence, and have great presence.
7. Masculine Energy
Many pre-orgasmic women have an excess of male energy. This makes her overly rational and logical. She can get stuck in her head and thoughts rather than her intuition and in her body. This can cause her to shut off from her sexuality. For her to achieve orgasm she will need to raise her feminine energy, and although you can’t do that for her, you can make it feel safer for her to move into that feminine essence. Raising your own masculine energy will help her do this. Develop your inner strength and learn more about raising masculine energy.
A woman likes to feel comfortable and safe with her man. The best way you can do this is for YOU to be comfortable in and with yourself.
8. Soul Connection
The secret to great sex has nothing to do with the physical body. It is actually all about the emotional and spiritual connection between two people. At orgasm the ego (lower self) is surrendered. When you know how to exchange your sexual and orgasmic energy you will truly be making love and connecting at a spiritual level. The experience of this goes way beyond any physical pleasure and is exquisite bliss.
Sex is the barometer of how healthy a relationship is and it is the glue that binds it together.
9. Sex Magic
Sex magic is said to be a highway to higher consciousness. When a couple have great sex at a soul level it not only strengthens the relationship it strengthens the individuals.
Really successful people have a very strong relationship and a good sex life is an essential part of that. Learning about sexual energy not only improves your sex life and your relationship it transforms all areas of your life too.
To Your Bliss
By Dr. Lisa Turner
When a couple have been together for a while it’s easy for the sparkle to fade, for your sex life to become a bit hum drum, and those feelings of raging passion and raw lust that you felt in the beginning have given way to indifference and even boredom.
We live in a very “left brain” rational society. Emotions, intuition and feelings are disapproved of, not only in the work place, but in all areas of life. Life has become about control. Controlling ourselves, every thought, every process, and every action become entirely planned and controlled by our logical mind. Some people try to plan and pilot every aspect of their lives.
Feminine energy is raw power, but it is a little chaotic.
Emotional trauma from past events can cause people to numb themselves from all feelings, both emotional and physical. This is a form of severe dissociation. Where a person becomes completely disconnected from their body and emotional feelings.
We live in a pleasure starved culture. No pain, no gain is the modern mantra.
Pleasure please.
n orgasm is just for relief right? Sexual tension increases until you feel compelled to do something about it, and then you masturbate or have sex to achieve an orgasmic relief. But are there other things you can do with your orgasm and sexual energy?
I recommend this to all my clients. Next time you make love or masturbate, when you reach that moment just when you think you are going to come. HANDS OFF. To a few very deep breaths, and then continue. On my workshops I teach a technique to move the energy up your body so that it begins to turn into a full body orgasm. But even simply delaying your orgasm will eventually have you gagging for it so that when you eventually do come it will be excruciatingly pleasurable.
This is an advanced technique that I teach my clients once they have mastered the basics. As you begin your orgasm you start to move the sensation up your body. You spin and cycle the bliss and energy and orgasmic pleasure pulses up your body.
Sex and orgasm should be pleasurable, joyful, fun, relaxing, blissful and more. So why is it that some women simply cannot achieve orgasm?
An orgasm is felt as a series of uterine muscle contractions that last several seconds, releasing oxytocin in the process. Oxytocin regulates stress hormone levels stress and the menstrual cycle.