Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Unlocking the Mystery of the Female Orgasm

Sunday, February 14th, 2010

Unlocking the Mystery of the Female Orgasm

9 Ways to Help Her Achieve Orgasm.

An estimated 50% of women rarely or never achieve orgasm. If your partner is one of these here are some simple and easy ways to unlock the mystery of the female orgasm.

1.  Take the Pressure off Her. Do NOT ask “Did you come?”

If her orgasm becomes the “end goal” or sole purpose for having sex this will put ENORMOUS pressure on her. Pressure to achieve orgasm or to “perform” will STOP her relaxing enough to have an orgasm.

Many men think that they are failing in some way, or less of a man if their partner does not come. If your ego or feelings are linked to your girlfriend’s orgasm it will only put more pressure on her. If she loves you (and I’m assuming she does) she will want you to feel good and to please you. Don’t make her feel like she is failing you if she can’t come. That would only put more pressure on her. Some women even fake it to take the pressure off and to please their partners. Instead make pleasure, fun and intimacy the purpose of making love.

2.  Take the Pressure off Yourself

If your partner cannot achieve orgasm don’t take it personally. There are many reasons why women can’t orgasm and it is most likely nothing to do with the size of your penis, how long you can last or your sexual prowess. Although technique is important, this is something that you can easily learn.  Most importantly don’t let her lack of orgasm stop you enjoying making love together.

3.  You Can’t Give Her an Orgasm Only She Can Take One

Many men will proudly boast about the great orgasms the “give” their partner. But the truth is that no one can GIVE anyone an orgasm. All you can do is create the right conditions. Like gardening, you dig the earth, prepare the soil, water the seeds, but in the end it’s the plant that does the growing. In the same way, make her feel safe, comfortable, relaxed, give her permission to enjoy her body (and yours) and then just wait and see.

4.  Give Her Space and Permission to Learn Her Own Body

If your girlfriend has never achieved orgasm before then she will need the space, privacy and support to practice on her own. She needs to learn how her own body works, feels and responds and she will be much more comfortable doing this on her own. Encourage her to practice, self pleasure and masturbation. Give her space to do this. Go out, and if you have kids take them out too.  Let her know that this is HER time.  Encourage her to have a “date” with herself. When she finally does achieve orgasm – she will feel so proud of herself and happy. Make sure you celebrate it too. Don’t allow your feelings of wishing you had been the one to give her the orgasm get in the way of HER pleasure.

Once she can achieve orgasm easily on her own, it’s then time for her to show you how it’s done. And then the fun really starts.

5.  Foreplay, Moreplay, and Get Clirtorate

Learn the language of her body. Learn about her sexual response. The male and female sexual responses are VERY different so learn those differences. These are covered in our online course Ecstatic Living, but here are two important ones.

a) Timing

Touch, stroke, kiss and caress other body parts for at least 15 minutes before you even attempt to touch her genitals. Particularly for a woman it takes at least 15 minutes for the sex hormones to be distributed around her body in sufficient quantities for her to feel aroused. If you rush it not only will she not be ready, she will likely feel invaded. Wait to be invited.

b) The clitoris, it’s a sensitive subject

The clitoris has TWICE as many nerve endings as the penis and over a smaller area. When you think you are using about the right amount of pressure, use even LESS. Feather soft strokes with the fingertips are perfect. If she wants you to press harder she will let you know.

6.  Get Intimate

Yes women love orgasms, but intimacy can be just as important. Many women can achieve orgasm alone (and you’ll have to ask her about this) but not when you are present. The reasons for this are usually around her self confidence and the level of intimacy she is comfortable with. Make her feel really comfortable in your presence. The way to do this is to be really comfortable in your own presence, and have great presence.

7.  Masculine Energy

Many pre-orgasmic women have an excess of male energy. This makes her overly rational and logical. She can get stuck in her head and thoughts rather than her intuition and in her body. This can cause her to shut off from her sexuality.  For her to achieve orgasm she will need to raise her feminine energy, and although you can’t do that for her, you can make it feel safer for her to move into that feminine essence. Raising your own masculine energy will help her do this. Develop your inner strength and learn more about raising masculine energy.

A woman likes to feel comfortable and safe with her man. The best way you can do this is for YOU to be comfortable in and with yourself.

8.  Soul Connection

The secret to great sex has nothing to do with the physical body. It is actually all about the emotional and spiritual connection between two people. At orgasm the ego (lower self) is surrendered. When you know how to exchange your sexual and orgasmic energy you will truly be making love and connecting at a spiritual level. The experience of this goes way beyond any physical pleasure and is exquisite bliss.

Sex is the barometer of how healthy a relationship is and it is the glue that binds it together.

9.  Sex Magic

Sex magic is said to be a highway to higher consciousness. When a couple have great sex at a soul level it not only strengthens the relationship it strengthens the individuals.

Really successful people have a very strong relationship and a good sex life is an essential part of that. Learning about sexual energy not only improves your sex life and your relationship it transforms all areas of your life too.

To Your Bliss

By Dr. Lisa Turner

For a free audio on how sexual energy and sex magic, including more info on the full body orgasm, click here.

Why your sex life has lost its sparkle and how to get it back.

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

42-15641366When a couple have been together for a while it’s easy for the sparkle to fade, for your sex life to become a bit hum drum, and those feelings of raging passion and raw lust that you felt in the beginning have given way to indifference and even boredom.

So we know this is “normal” but why does it happen and what can you do about it?

Sex is the glue that binds a couple together and the barometer of how well the relationship is doing.

It’s also the barometer of the levels of sexual energy within an individual. The reasons one person is attracted to another are complex but at the root of it is sexual energy, and sexual charge.

Within the body there is a polarity of sexual energy. Men have masculine energy in the head, and feminine energy in the genitals, women have the opposite, feminine energy in the heard, and masculine energy in the genitals.

It is this opposite polarities that causes the attraction and sexual charge.

For both men and women, these polarities flip at orgasm.

In addition men lose a vast amount of sexual charge. Most people don’t know how to recharge their sexual energy and so over time they both become depleted and then find their partner less attractive. The magnetism has gone, the sexual charge depleted.

At best this results in a platonic relationship, at worst infidelity results as one or other becomes attracted to the high sexual charge of the other.

By learning to re-charge yourself sexually you will become, once again magnetically attractive to your mate. Recharging your sexual batteries is the best way to maintain and even improve not only your sex life, but also your relationship.

Is your relationship abusive?

Saturday, June 13th, 2009

Abuse is about control

j0227798Before you read this blog post, please note that I have referred to the man as the abuser, not because men are always the abuser and women the abused, but only because this is more common.

The abuse usually takes the form of control which is the essence of masculine energy. In a relationship either the man or the woman can abuse  or control using their masculine energy. Men usually have more masculine energy than women.

The pattern of abuse.

There are five forms of abuse and they may occur in any order. In any order there is:

Social violence.

alone-in-cafeThe woman is completely isolated from all societal support. Friends and family are no longer available. Friendships are made difficult or forbidden. There is often social undermining, where he will tease her in public.

Economic violence.

He controls the finances. In some cases he may keep her poor by gambling, drinking or not working, or just overspending. She will often be prevented from working so that has no independent income. If she has children this is very easy for him to do. childcare is expensive and even if available working is difficult for mothers without support from their partner.

Psychological violence

This is the constant erosion of her self esteem. It is usually relentless with every opportunity being taken to try to make her feel bad about herself and as if she is lucky to have him as no-one else would have her.

Sexual violence.

CBR001209Which doesn’t necessarily mean rape, although it can be. Most of all it is the complete control of her sexuality and the sexual relationship. He decides when, how, where, if and so on.

Physical Violence

Then, when she has

  • no money, (economic abuse)
  • no energy, (sexual abuse)
  • no friends or family and (social abuse)
  • no self esteem (psychological abuse)

if she dares to show any resistance to total control, if she dares to show any small spark of independent thought, then he will hit her. And that is why she will stay.

So next time you hear of someone being beaten, man or woman.  And you are tempted to ask yourself why do they stay? Why don’t they just leave?

THAT IS WHY THEY STAY!

More about the cycle and pattern of abuse, including my own experiences in my upcoming book Laughing with Ghandi.

If you have been or think you might be in an abusive relationship and would like some help contact me lisa@the-o-coach.com

Until Next Time

Lisa