Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

Why your sex life has lost its sparkle and how to get it back.

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

42-15641366When a couple have been together for a while it’s easy for the sparkle to fade, for your sex life to become a bit hum drum, and those feelings of raging passion and raw lust that you felt in the beginning have given way to indifference and even boredom.

So we know this is “normal” but why does it happen and what can you do about it?

Sex is the glue that binds a couple together and the barometer of how well the relationship is doing.

It’s also the barometer of the levels of sexual energy within an individual. The reasons one person is attracted to another are complex but at the root of it is sexual energy, and sexual charge.

Within the body there is a polarity of sexual energy. Men have masculine energy in the head, and feminine energy in the genitals, women have the opposite, feminine energy in the heard, and masculine energy in the genitals.

It is this opposite polarities that causes the attraction and sexual charge.

For both men and women, these polarities flip at orgasm.

In addition men lose a vast amount of sexual charge. Most people don’t know how to recharge their sexual energy and so over time they both become depleted and then find their partner less attractive. The magnetism has gone, the sexual charge depleted.

At best this results in a platonic relationship, at worst infidelity results as one or other becomes attracted to the high sexual charge of the other.

By learning to re-charge yourself sexually you will become, once again magnetically attractive to your mate. Recharging your sexual batteries is the best way to maintain and even improve not only your sex life, but also your relationship.

Is your relationship abusive?

Saturday, June 13th, 2009

Abuse is about control

j0227798Before you read this blog post, please note that I have referred to the man as the abuser, not because men are always the abuser and women the abused, but only because this is more common.

The abuse usually takes the form of control which is the essence of masculine energy. In a relationship either the man or the woman can abuse  or control using their masculine energy. Men usually have more masculine energy than women.

The pattern of abuse.

There are five forms of abuse and they may occur in any order. In any order there is:

Social violence.

alone-in-cafeThe woman is completely isolated from all societal support. Friends and family are no longer available. Friendships are made difficult or forbidden. There is often social undermining, where he will tease her in public.

Economic violence.

He controls the finances. In some cases he may keep her poor by gambling, drinking or not working, or just overspending. She will often be prevented from working so that has no independent income. If she has children this is very easy for him to do. childcare is expensive and even if available working is difficult for mothers without support from their partner.

Psychological violence

This is the constant erosion of her self esteem. It is usually relentless with every opportunity being taken to try to make her feel bad about herself and as if she is lucky to have him as no-one else would have her.

Sexual violence.

CBR001209Which doesn’t necessarily mean rape, although it can be. Most of all it is the complete control of her sexuality and the sexual relationship. He decides when, how, where, if and so on.

Physical Violence

Then, when she has

  • no money, (economic abuse)
  • no energy, (sexual abuse)
  • no friends or family and (social abuse)
  • no self esteem (psychological abuse)

if she dares to show any resistance to total control, if she dares to show any small spark of independent thought, then he will hit her. And that is why she will stay.

So next time you hear of someone being beaten, man or woman.  And you are tempted to ask yourself why do they stay? Why don’t they just leave?


More about the cycle and pattern of abuse, including my own experiences in my upcoming book Laughing with Ghandi.

If you have been or think you might be in an abusive relationship and would like some help contact me

Until Next Time